and the sadness returns …

i got married two weeks ago. hence the time spent planning and executing our wedding instead of writing on the blog. i didn’t go bridezilla, nor did i demand much. i was bossy, but then again i was the wedding planner/bride. 

it was quite an experience, and i hope i never have to be a bride while being a wedding planner. the wedding planner bit was actually quite fun. i’m an organizer, and may have a talent in even planning. i was even able to get myself put together, run the entire day and take care of bridesmaid’s issues for the weeks leading up to the wedding. i had everything ready down to the centerpieces. what makes a great event really is delegation, and choosing a capable delegatee.  i chose someone with the perfect capabilities and skills. it was perfect.

i’m back now, and the sadness of not having much to do but job applications, read books, watch sitcoms, eat, and hot yoga, isn’t cutting it. i’m searching for something to do – hopefully, i find it soon.

fyi – got the whole wedding done for less than $4K.

winds of change?

not on the unemployment front. i want to warn those of you seeking ph.ds – it’s a barren job landscape. my options currently are in medical sales, patent agencies, and/or consultation. the first is easy but a huge lifestyle change, the last two are difficult to get into.

on the wedding front, my parents who don’t like my choice of religion and that i’m marrying outside of my race, have chosen to attend my wedding – in two weeks. what are your significant other’s student loans for? wedding items. good thing i’m getting some unemployment and my MoH is a makeup artist/hairstylist. 

honestly the benefits from the universe for this wedding to come together are tremendous. my outfits are from my mother, who gave me lots of grief for them, a gift. my parents are attending. my sister is a bridesmaid. my MoH as stated above – quite talented. my sig-oth’s boss paid for a 4 layer cake and the chips and salsa. a friend of my sig-oth’s is paying for champagne. my wedding ceremony cups and kettle will be hand made by one of my friends and also a bridesmaid. the list goes on.

i also took on leadership. so slowly things are shifting.

” … you have to be twice as good as them to get half of what they have”

so that would mean i must work 4 times as hard to get 100% of what “they” have. well, that’s enticing. *eyeroll* i already have the hardest time getting to that half-way point. FUNemployment has been going on for one and a half months now, and although i’ve been applying for jobs, i’m not seeing much improvement. my father did tell me to go into IT, and i couldn’t handle the first course i took, so i decided to continue on in science. now, it’s dire straits. why? because i’ve been work twice as hard, with not much to show for it.

in taking my life one day at a time, it’s been a week or more since i wrote on this blog. it was very kind of wordpress to let me know this. i’ve tried to do the daily thing but by post-dinner the depression kicks in and i can’t wait to crawl into bed and hide.

i’m not naturally funny, but today i did pretty well, with one joke. my bridal outfit is a sari, and i thought it’d be funny to wear cowboy boots underneath. of course that’s only funny if you know that i’m indian (south asian). hence, it would be a “cowboy and indian” outfit. bridal shows.  so far most friends wonder why i look so calm and why i haven’t transformed into bridezilla. it’s simple. everything seems to be falling into place, so i don’t feel the need to be frantic and frenzied.  besides this, everything i’ve chosen is simple, so no one has been fussy about anything.

i’m attending a class on the non-proliferation of weapons of mass destruction twice a week. its an informative class, but dark and saddens me.  the concepts behind non-proliferation are quite numerous and broad. the subject in itself should just be a degree. there’s a topical paper i must work on now.

 

one of the low days …

although this time around my unemployment hasn’t kept me in bed every morning, today was a low day. it took a friend needing documents to be hand delivered to him to get me out of bed. that led to groceries.

this whole change in my daily life has led to many new experiences. grocery shopping is vastly different. when i was employed my grocery shopping occurred very quickly, and in the evening on the way home from work and included “i’m very hungry, this sounds good” purchases. The crowd me around me at these moments were, majority, professionals in a rush.  grab whatever one can, get home, eat, etc. Now? So different. I’m with homemakers and the elderly and now. Nothing at all odd about it, just different. What I’ve realized is that it’s been a conscious effort on my part to slow down.  The majority of the crowd is parents with infants, or parents post-school drop-off, and the elderly with coupons.  And, I actually enjoy helping the elderly read coupons and product labels. (Point to be made here – i only see the elderly using coupons. shouldn’t the text be larger?) I find it great to be helpful, useful and listen to banter. they really just want to talk to people and i have time. the moms – a force not to be messed with. there’s a wide variety of them. some are very strict with quiet children, and some are earth-mothers with children hugging MY leg. (i don’t mind. it’s sweet.) then there’s the moms that are exhausted.  i find myself conversing with them, and they seem relieved that i would do this. they always seem perturbed that i’m suggesting some product, or smiling at them. dads – no interaction. i only saw one today, with his wife, who seemed to be running the show. daddy was the cart-pusher.  i have seen them though, they do exist, the stay at home dads.

it was different. glad I saw the difference.

staying home and cleaning the house, doing odd things, and cooking has been a strange experience as well. i’m still feeling like this isn’t the right thing for me and I need the employment. i’m sure, eventually, i’ll get the hang of things.

2 years and 3 months later …

so i got a job. and, the work consumed me. and, the bosses, well, ex-bosses, also consumed me. and, this blog fell to the wayside.  so, i switched fields (a big no-no in the science arena) and started research in ID. two failed attempts at a grant, and i’m unemployed again. at the least i did publish a paper and a book chapter with my work. research – its a field sodden with dead projects and postdoc corpses.

not much has changed externally – i’m still in a house, no kids, almost married. well, physically, hitting 30y changed some things, but nothing i can’t handle. internally, this round of unemployment doesn’t have me feeling inadequate in the least.  i’m just supremely bored, and i’ve come to realize that i may not want to be just a postdoc anymore. i’m looking at all avenues for my future – postdoc, science policy, science admin, and teaching.

i spend my time searching for jobs, reading, planning my wedding, being a foodie and now this blog.  hopefully, this will sustain my sanity.

the genius bar raised

there are so many quotes any of us could use. he wasn’t buddhist but he espoused this idea of wisdom, courage, creativity and interconnectedness of people and karma. so it wouldn’t be strange to say that yesterday evening for a person i never met nor knew very well, except for my MacBook and iPhone, i chanted for Steve Jobs. that his soul be reborn as one that would again create value for society.

here is just a link to a blog that demonstrates how a positive attitude pushes scientists forward.
MarcKuchner

i am truly saddened by the passing of a great man.

not science

i understand the premise of . that one shouldn’t “hate” someone without knowing who they are in reality.

i watched the show when there were commercial breaks on some other show. what i caught? snooki trying to convince a guido that she isn’t giving guidos a bad name. (am i even allowed to use that term?) moving along …. what a terrible show. in fact all it does is incite even more disgust towards the celebrity, and not the civilian. in fact, i side with the civilians. the snooki/guido’s family interaction really helped the guido side. she was a harvard undergrad? really? nothing in her verbal repertoire, or social skills demonstrates intelligence. if in fact this is a reality show, as she claims it is, i don’t know any one in “reality” who can mask their intelligence for television, not even for that amount of money. the intelligent, sometimes sheer geniuses, i know wouldn’t, couldn’t ever play dumb. therefore, i conclude, snooki = irrationally irritating board making false claims. other segments of the show – pretty much the same – concluding with realizing, celebrities sometimes are what they portray on television. don’t waste your time on “H8R,” unless of course you’d love to watch the celebrity you dislike making an ass out of themselves. no, nevermind, just avoid it.

on a brighter note. congrats to Julianna Marguilis on her Emmy. now, that’s a show.

work = no new posts

every morning i think to myself, “today i’ll post on my bloggie about this news or that news.” at the end of that day? i think to myself, “my gosh, how do these bloggieAuteurs do it? when do they find the time?” between being a post-doc, a youth leader, practicing nichiren daishonin’s buddhism, applying for grants, publishing, feeding myself and sleeping, where do i insert bloggie writing? on the toilet? not a bad thought, i do seems to have a higher IQ in that defenseless position.

moving on. grant due and i’ve been asked to edit the “assay” section. which i must say definitely reflects on the lesser knowledge most M.D.s have in scientific research. i sincerely believe in the fusion of Ph.D. and M.D., but I also believe that both professions need to make an effort to learn the other’s field of study. it just ain’t right for me to carry around med school books when i spent six years torturing myself through a dissertation. of course, this is where the M.D. status turns up … their naivete of research is excused because they are busy being on call. the world isn’t fair.

i knew this already, so as a preemptive strike i suggested that anything or everything having to do with lab procedures i was the queen, and what i say goes. so now, after a few months of building a solid relationship of trust and spectacular results in the lab, my edited section of the grant (human and animal) is short, sweet and fundable!

on another note, a friend from the past asked me about grad school. my response was long and strict- masochism doesn’t get you far. i sent her this

these decisions have to be made rationally and with great forethought.don’t do what i did – reason #2 under “reasons NOT to get a Ph.D.”

i don’t regret it now because my practice has given me the benefit of a brilliant position.

sarcopenia

a complete change in the direction of what i thought i was heading towards …

of course they do recc that you switch fields as you head into a Post-Doc and there really wasn’t much i could do. i was exhausted from eeking out a life on weekly unemployment benefits. and not doing much all day? well that may be what drove me into depression! now?

let me explain …
about two months ago a friend who works in a research lab mentioned a couple that was struggling with a lab tech. one that had some unaccredited tech license to “do science.” they complained, he got fired and samples from 200 patients remained unprocessed in a -80. The couple (MDs) have between them, two NIH funded grants, and a VA Merit Grant. Along with this, there arrival warranted a new 2000 sq.ft. lab to be built.

My job? Run the new lab and be a Post-Doc. It’s a dream job. I am doing research at the VA, and it can only get better from here. I’m prepping for a job in academia and I could possibly be a permenant researcher at the VA with an adjunt faculty position (since I’m required to apply for the VA Merit Grant as well.)

Happiness!

where have i been?

attempting to get a Post-Doc. it’s in the works. there’s some background checks required.